Another Day

I don't know why I keep posting here everyday.. It's pretty pointless as I just ramble about how much things suck. But it's something to do, so oh well.

Today wasn't so bad, I guess. First block, I put some books away like every other day. It's not hard work, but it still sucks because I don't like doing it, because I want to do other things, like play around on the internet or something.

Second block (Computer Technology) sucked as always. I was sitting at my designated computer this time, so that's good. I was doing a crossword puzzle and as I was flipping through the book thing for answers, my mind kept wandering to.... other things. Other things that cause me to turn all the pages in the book without paying any attention to finding answers for my crossword. So I had to keep trying and every time, my mind kept wandering to more fun things I'd rather be doing.... Needless to say, I didn't get much work done. I don't really care, because daydreaming rules.

I didn't go to lunch. I didn't feel like eating, though now I'm somewhat regretting it. I'll just eat some Peanut Butter Crunch when I get home, because it's gooood......... I hope we have milk. Last time I checked, there was only a little bit left in the container, so hopefully my mom went to buy more.

Speaking of my mom, being friendly to her is difficult, but I'm somehow managing to do that, and very well, might I add.
Well, she was a little diappointed that I didn't wake my little brother Zach up this morning to go to school.. I didn't think he was going today because he was sent home for having pink eye yesterday.

Speaking of pink eye.. I've had it twice in my life -- once when I was in third grade, and another time during the summer after my Freshman year. Both times sucked. In third grade, I got it just the day before the big Christmas party.... I had to go home and stay home for twenty-four hours. I'm still mad about that. The other time, my friend Jeri and I got it together. First, she got it, then I did. We went to the mall with her step-sister Amanda, and Amanda's friends thought Jeri and I were stoners.

Speaking of things I've had, chicken pox is not one of them. I'm seventeen years old, and I haven't had them yet. Oh well.

Third block (A.P. English) wasn't so bad. I was twenty minutes late to class though. But as usual, I laughed a lot in that class, mainly because it consists of people like Aaron Anderson, Aaron Daggs, Wesley Walker, Rachel Oestman, and me, and some other people. What a lovable bunch.

Right now, it's yearbook time. Ms. Shuckei (previously referred to as "Ms. Fuckface") let us have a free day because she has a lot of paperwork to do. Hmm.... Yep.

That means Newspaper is next, and that's the last period of the day. And that also means that I have to get to work on my stories, because I, like always, have yet to start them until the day they're due....... I'll write them here in a few minutes though..... Also, I need to stop procrastinating so much.

I don't understand.... I used to be so self-motivated, but now I feel like I couldn't care less. I want to care, but it's like, why care? I should work on that.

Today is the last day of August.

...Last day of August. That means tomorrow is the first day of September, which means that the ACT Workshop is tomorrow too. And the day after that would be the second day of September, which means that Senior Pictures are to be taken that day. I have to be at the school at 6:45 in the morning on Friday. It sucks. I don't even get up until seven.

And if Friday is the second day of September, that means that Sunday will be the fourth day of September, which means my friend Ryan will be nineteen years old. And if that Sunday is the fourth, then that means that the Monday following the Monday that follows that Sunday of Ryan's birthday, that Monday will be my brother Aaron's birthday, as it shall be the twelvth day of September, which means Aaron will be twenty-one.

Anyway.. I'm in my Newspaper class right now. It's hard to believe there's only eight members on the staff this year. Last year, there was like, twenty. Eight isn't so bad, I guess.

My friend Aaron Anderson works at the Taco Mayo located in Chandler, Oklahoma, a nearby town. I was horrified to hear what goes on in peoples' food over there...........

...In the sour cream, ranch dressing, pico de gallo, tomatoes, on the spatulas, in the nacho cheese, guacamole, soda cups......... I will give more information upon request.

But Stefanie, she works at the Taco Mayo in Cushing, another nearby town, and has assured me that nothing of that sort goes on there. I'm just glad I've never eaten at the Chandler Taco Mayo..

Man, I hate not knowing plans that I'd be totally interested in....

Speaking of plans.... if I'm ungrounded by Friday night, then I'm going to have so much fun. Time to welcome the old ways, mwuahahahaha!! But if I'm still grounded, oh well.

Well, this class, this day of school, is now drawing to an end, and I must return to my home and lounge in my room with a bowl of delicious Peanut Butter Crunch...... and finish writing a letter, an essay, and two newspaper stories. ^_^

*sigh*

God this sucks. So did not want to come to school this day, but I don't want to miss any more days just because I'm feeling lazy or some shit like that. Besides, I plan on uses my excused absences for something else..


Anyway, this is fucking sad. Why the hell am I on the internet at school? Pretty much everything interesting or fun except blogs are filtered out. Just goes to show that I'm addicted to the goddamned internet.....

Work in the library sucks more than ever because that Irish guy left yesterday.... He did a lot of work, and now I'm going to have to finish it. I don't even know what the hell he was doing, but oh well.

Well, here I am in the library. And if Beaver doesn't stop coming in here every morning and if he doesn't stop attempting to have conversation with me every time he sees me, I'm going to slaughter him, devour his puny, vacant mind, and use his spinal chord as fucking dental floss. I could probably do that pretty easily, since I have these gargantuan gaps between my teeth.

Beaver's real name is Adam, but some people call him Kyle, and then there's the majority that call him Beaver. He kind of looks like that kid from Leave it to Beaver or whatever. He's a Sophomore. He's annoying as hell, and that thick southern accent of his is too much. And if he touches me one more time, or pulls my headphones off again, I'm going to fucking slap his face with this damned keyboard.

Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to go do a pointless job of organizing and shelving books. Have an awesome day!

Oh and something else..........

If anyone ever wants to chat with me during school, get on the chatroom in LCDLC. I can't promise I'll be on every minute of the school day due to the fact that I'm, you know, probably supposed to be doing schoolwork, but still.

Fucking nails..

I swear I'm going to go home today and chop off my damn nails because it's so damn hard to type on this piece without hitting the keys above my fingers! This post is going to take forever to effing type because I'm using this damn pen to press the keys..... My nails aren't even that long, they're moderately long, but the keyboards on laptops suck; the keys are low and close together.....

Today sucks.

First block, in the library, it sucked. I was so damn tired because I was too pissed off and depressed to sleep last night. As I was shelving books, I, for some reason, kind of grabbed the edge of this shelf and somehow pulled it down a little to where a shitload of books piled onto my drowsy godforsaken face.

Second block, in the computer lab, I find some fat Sophomore hoe sitting at my designated computer. Ms. Fuckface told me to sit somewhere else so I had to start all my lessons over on some piece of shit computer, and it wouldn't print my damned documents.

Right before lunch, I was told to turn my T-shirt inside out because the design was inappropriate for school. Fuck no it's not. I'll wear what I want and when, where and how I want!

Third block was okay. Actually, it was great. I laughed so much it hurt.

Yearbook and Newspaper are boring as hell, but oh well.

But everything else sucks ass!

I feel like everyone I care about is upset with me, yet all I can do is sit here and bitch about my sucky-ass day.

I'm fucking great.

Boo Berry

Ponder the wise words of an Irishman: A day without a book is like a day without sunshine.

Being an assistant in the library isn't all that great like I hoped it would be.... Mrs. Cawfield assured that I would have little work to do, but that was when we were under the assumption that we'd be in the new high school by the beginning of this school year. But you know what happens when you make assupmtions.... You assume things, that's what happens. And when you assume things, you make a resumé...... And when you make a resumé, you get a job, and when you get a job, you get paid, and when you get paid, you buy things, and when you buy things, you have those things either for yourself or for someone else. Or instead of buying things after you get paid from working at your job you got with your resumé after assuming, you can just save the money in case you need it sometime in the future.

I realized something....

I don't have a center point to my life.. My life doesn't tend to revolve around one major thing.... So when something new and big comes into my life, it looks as if it's the only thing there because everything else is cast in shadow. I can't think of anything but that something. And whether or not that's good, I don't know.

When someone asks me what's so unique about me, what can I say? I don't know what it is that's special about me.

Other people, they have their sports, their music, their art...... What do I have?

Hmm, I guess when you look this good, you don't need anything like that. *wink*

But everyone assumes that I'm all about art; drawing and painting and the like.... It's not a big part of my life at all. Maybe I should make it one..... But I don't know if I want to.

I looked at my horoscope today, just like every other day I remember to:

Aries
March 20 - April 18
8/25/05
A new and exciting potential love relationship could pop into your life today, dear Aries. This is apt to be the kind of instant attraction that sets your nerves tingling and your blood boiling! Whether or not you decide to pursue this attraction, of course, depends on your situation, but whatever you decide, you're likely to enjoy feeling the thrill of it today. Therefore, make sure you look your best when you go out! You'll be glad you did!

How dumb. Hell yeah it depends on my stuation...... Usually my horoscopes are more meaningful and accurate. (I bet not a one of you would have ever guessed I look into horoscopes.)

Here's another for today from a different source:

Your life is in flux right now, and you're yearning for some degree of permanence. If dropping hints about inheriting a family heirloom doesn't work, try looking for a project that will let you craft heirlooms for yourself. (Family heirloom? What the hell..?)

It's more important to take the right action as opposed to taking any action at all. Figure out what the real problem is before you start expending your energy willy-nilly. You'll see much better results.

You are coming into the world from a very strong position today, so milk it for all it's worth. You can get people to agree to almost anything.

This is a day for all amorous hopes: your senses and your heart will vibrate in unison, your magnetism will be intense and your power of seduction will increase tenfold. (Too bad it's going to go to waste....) In your work, you'll be able to go around obstacles. Those natives who're vulnerable to rheumatic ailments will have to take special precautions this time. Your imagination will be more fertile than ever, and you'll hit upon ideas that will astonish many people.

My 2005 Overview (This one scares me..)

OVERVIEW: As the year begins, Aries, your focus will quickly shift from play to work -- hard work. After the 10th of January, in fact, it will be tough to talk you into doing anything other than putting your nose to the grindstone. You'll be able to reach your goals more easily, though, so it will be well worth your time and energy to put everything else aside -- for now, at least. Once March arrives, however, you'll be far more interested in taking care of your health and appearance -- and you'll do a great job of it, too.

A solar eclipse in early April will make this a month to remember, and if you're single, this astral equation could also indicate a new relationship. Keep your eyes open after the 1st of April for someone who's extremely sensual and quite focused -- on you! (Holy shit..) Be sure they're not too focused, though. You know how you get when you feel smothered.

Summer will be an entirely different story. By July, you'll be enjoying lots of freedom, travel, and new experiences. (Word.) Keep your passport current and your suitcases handy. The full Moon of August 19th will also bring along a chance for you to start a new hobby. Don't pass this one up!

By fall, you may be thinking of making a major career move -- one that's entirely possible. After the 17th of October, you may also be making your way along a whole new relationship path. Either way -- or both ways, perhaps -- you'll enjoy this new start, and so will those who choose to accompany you. The holidays look just wonderful, full of lots of good feelings and lots of surprises under the mistletoe. A new Moon on New Year's Eve will put you in the mood to get back to business after weeks of festivities. Go for it!

Weird as hell....

I'm not too into astrology.. Just a little. I won't be all like, "Uh, the stars say we're not compatible, so get the hell away." That's just dumb.

My mom set my bedtime every night to eleven.... How gay. She used to not give a crap how late I stayed up as long as I was able to get up in time the next morning to get ready for school.... which is what I've been doing every goddamned morning. But she's mad at me for taking naps when I get home from school, because she says these naps I've been taking cause me to stay up late again the next evening. So anytime she's aware of me napping in my room after school, she wakes me up and yells at me.
Last night I went to bed at midnight-thirty though. There was no way in hell I was going to go to bed at eleven after waiting two hours to talk to my boyfriend, to whom I hadn't gotten a chance before last night to speak with since Saturday. I would have only had like, twenty minutes if I went to bed at eleven. Fuck that. I was pissed.
My mom tends to take up a ton of phone time each night. Like, two hours usually. But she said she'd try to minimize her calls down to thirty minutes a night, but it doesn't happen.

My mom and I have never really gotten along. I can hardly wait to get the hell out.

I shouldn't wear tight shirts anymore. Or at least not very often. I should wear more T-shirts. And blouses too, I guess. I noticed that when I wear tight shirts, I look slutty. Though my guy friends tend to disagree. Ugh... I don't want to have my goods on display. >_> =P

Now I feel weird.... because I think there are more guys that read my blog than girls..... Oh well.

Damn.... Gotta go to Computer Technology class here soon. Stupid stupid stupid......

I wonder how many newspaper stories I can get done today. They're due today for paste-up, but I still have two to finish. I already helped Wesley out with two, and writing two more will be easy.

Idiot bell...

And someone wrote on my locker today that I was hot and sexy..... but whoever it was, they spelled my name wrong. v_v

And I'm disappointed..... very strongly disappointed..... that my brother Patrick will be attending AIT in TEXAS. Fucking Texas... Nobody likes you but Texans, Texas.

I'm also disappointed to know that I have a southern accent. A slight one, but an accent nonetheless. I never noticed until I went to Michigan. I guess that's what I get for living in Oklahoma for the better part of seven years.... I hope it doesn't get worse.

I live in Oklahoma. Wow. I remember when I lived in Missouri, I would be all excited to get to go to Oklahoma to visit my grandma. Well, now that I live here, the excitement just kind of drifted away.. Oklahoma's cool and all.... but whatever.

Yearbook Ad Selling

......Sucks ass.

------------------------------------

All right.. Just got back from yearbook ad selling, and as usual, it sucked ass. This is my second year on the staff, and I almost wish I would've somehow gotten out of it. We also went ad selling last Thursday. It was incredibly hot outside as we were walking along the busy streets of Stillwater. Today in Chandler, it was raining. It has been raining on and off for days now. Like, it'll be all rainy and cold in the morning, but in the afternoon, it's all sunny and hot. Gotta love Oklahoma weather....
But today wasn't so bad, really. I went selling with Brittni Holsinger, her step-mom, and Ryan Dawson. Which was awesome if you can manage to look past the fact that we we're AD SELLING. I got it good, though. It could have been so much worse.... I could have had to go with Tommy Horlacher, or Rebekah Pruitt....... *shudder* I'm such a bitch.. ^_^

Anyway, when we go ad selling, we pretty much have to hit up every business we have in the past, plus some new ones we've never tried before.

Today, I realized how screwed up our yearbook was last year. On one of the ads, there were two misspellings. (Don't look at me, I didn't put the ad pages together, nor did I edit them.) It was supposed to read "Murcer's Jewelry", but instead, it reads "Mercer's Jewelery". The woman was rather irritated by this. And on one double-page spread, there are three ads that are on there twice each.. Way to go '04-'05 yearbook staff, true winners.

When I got back to school, just in time for third block (A.P. English), I had a golden opportunity to cut the rest of the school day. Did I though?

No. I'm still here.

Chris and Wesley were outside over by the school talking so I went to chat with them. Chris was taking Wesley home, and they were talking about how Aaron Anderson beat the shit out of Mack Richardson.... Because Mack punched a girl in the face sometime over the weekend. So, Aaron's suspended for a few days. It happened right by my locker too, but I didn't get to see it because I was wasting my life selling yearbook ads.... *sigh*
Anyway, Chris was about to leave and he asked me if I wanted a ride home. I said yeah, but I changed my mind. I have newspaper stories to work on. Plus, my mom is really mad at me because of a fight we had last night. I don't want to go home to that again anytime soon. Oh well.

Oh well. I'm back here in the library. I should probably be working on newspaper stories, as I owe Mrs. Giblet four now.. Being senior editor is so damn easy. All I have to do is edit other students' stories and write two of my own each week. Regular staff members have to write three a week....... Crap, I just remembered that I told Wesley I'd write one of his, because he owes six, and I felt sorry for him. Well, I better get to work............... sometime before it's too late.

My feet hurt....

Wearing fancy shoes + Walking = Stupid.............. and achy feet.

Yeah, we have to dress up really nice to go selling ads. The dressing up is fine, I like that, but not when it comes to the shoes. Ask anyone who knows me, flip-flops are what you'll see me wearing 95% of the time.... Unless it's winter. So now, I'm not even wearing any shoes because I forgot to put flip-flops in my purse before I left this morning.... And because I don't want to wear my dressy ones. Last Thursday, I put some flip-flops in my purse and wore them while ad selling while Mrs. Shuckei (yearboook advisor) wasn't looming around. I love being bare footed at school. It's refreshing, you know?

Hmm, I just learned a bit of Oklahoma history that I hadn't learned in my Oklahoma History class which I took my Sophomore year.... This may be due to he fact that I was always playing around with my friends or sleeping in that class.... but whatever.
Anyway, this Irish guy is telling me about Oklahoma and its panhandle thing. Originally, it wasn't a part of this grand state. It was originally part of Texas, but during the Civil War, that piece of land was dictated as "free land", and Texas was a Confederate state. Now, the state had to be either entirely Confederate, or entirely Union. So, Texas sloughed it off. After all that, no one reclaimed it. Texas didn't want it back, Oklahoma didn't care for it, Kansas said no, and New Mexico didn't want it either. So, for a while, it was just a territory, where outlaws would hide out due to the lack of authorities. But eventually, Oklahoma was forced to take it, otherwise, neither Oklahoma nor the panhandle land would be ratified as states.... so yeah. It was at least a little interesting.

If General Mills would make a peanut butter flavored cereal, they could call it Zombie Butter. You know, to go along with Franken Berry, Boo Berry, and Count Chocula. Heh, "Zombie Butter".... That's rich.

Went to Sonic for lunch today. I got a Fire Island burger, the new one they've been advertising. I have a banner that advertises it hanging up in my room across from the Dollar General banner that is advertising milk. Chris stole for me the Dollar General one, then Wesley and I stole the Sonic one together. I like the banners very much.

What I don't like very much though--what I hate--are these things:

- Yearbook ad selling
- Time
- Mrs. Grayson
- Texas
- Computer Technology classes
- Fancy shoes that make feet hurt
- Tomatoes
- Watered down soda as a result of a moron putting too much ice in it
- People who make promises without intentions of keeping them
- Kellogg's Golden Smacks cereal
- Red dirt
- Other things

Franken Berry

My class schedule for this year.

Fall / Spring
Block 1: Library assistant / Biology I teacher assistant
Block 2: Computer Technology I / Computer Technology II (I want so badly not to take these, but being a senior and considering the fact that seniors tend to get screwed when it comes to the time layouts of the classes, I don't have much of a choice..)
Block 3: A.P. English / Geometry
Period 4: Yearbook
Period 5: Newspaper

In the library, I'm helping out with Mrs. Cawfield, who is usually running the library. She's also the A.P. English teacher. She's really nice and easy to talk to.
The computer classes are instructed by Mrs. Shuckei, the business teacher, who also happens to be the new yearbook advisor. I'm not really as happy about that though, because even though Mrs. Grayson is a bitch and all that, I liked the general way of how she would run things. There were six people on the yearbook staff last year..... Now there are seventeen or so. Most of them being annoying, idiot-head Sophomores.
Geometry is going to be taught by Mrs. Cagle. She's all right. Getting kind of old and blind, but she's a great teacher.
Newspaper is instructed by Mrs. Giblet, Stefanie's mom. And I'm the senior editor of the staff. Woo.
Then when I'm an assistant in Biology I, I'll be helping out Mr. Bailey. He's the coolest teacher here, in my opinion. I won't have to do anything besides make copies and grade papers every great once in a while. The rest of the time I'll probably be walking around the halls doing practically nothing or at Mr. Bailey's desk playing on his computer.

I hate my computer class. It's gay. I'm the only senior in there.. There aren't even any juniors. There's one Sophomore. Then the rest are Freshmen. And they all somehow know my name, while I have no clue as to theirs. Unlike most seniors and other students above the status of a Freshman, I don't condemn Freshmen.... just because they're Freshmen. Certain individuals in the Freshman class, however, I do condemn, because they're morons.

"Artistic"

Last night, I got incredibly bored so I decided to draw something. When I started the drawing, my ink pen was completely full. Now, it has less than half the amount of ink in it. I'll scan it sometime and put it on here, maybe. I like it a lot, it took me an hour and a half to create.

It was the first thing I had drawn in months.

A long time ago, I forgot why it was I would draw and paint.... but last night, it really came back to me as I was drawing.

Is it not odd how marks on a piece of paper can resemble something we are familiar with in our lives? Sometimes, I like to draw angels. My drawings that depict angels are not angels.... they're strategically-placed marks that allow one to notice the resemblance between the stereotypical image of an angel and the marks I've created on a sheet of paper.

I find it so strange that someone can be so gifted enough to do that. Yet, I'm also surprised that not everyone has the ability to do so, because I always used to believe they just lacked the will.

A lot of people would call me an artist. Or they would call me artistic. I didn't see myself that way, so I would tell them time after time to stop saying that. And I was usually not very nice about it.

Last night, one of the very few people that I allow to watch me draw said to me, "You're such a great artist."

I slightly blushed and said, without thinking, "Thank you."

That really made me stop and think. Is it fair for me to tell others not to call me as they see me? Is it not common sense to describe a person who creates art artistic?

I guess the reason I didn't want to be called an artist is I thought it would be more difficult to get somewhere in life with it, at least, in the way I would want to, so I tried to stop building on what artistic talent I had.

It seems that even after months, one's talent still remains firmly intact. I didn't care if it did, and honestly, I hoped it would slip away forever.

I'm glad now that it didn't. I forgot how happy it makes me to see the end result turn out just as I had wanted.

I don't know what exactly it is I plan on doing for the rest of my life. I have almost no idea what career I have in mind.. But I'm almost certain I'm not going to be an artist of any sort. I don't want to make a career out of that, because it's not always something I enjoy doing.... Though the thought of creating a graphic novel entices me..

Anyway.. To sum up pretty much this whole post, I'm getting more into my artistic talent.

Some Thoughts

Some thoughts have been in and out of my mind a lot lately.

What if life isn't really what you think it is? Has anyone else ever thought about that? What else could life be?
The turn of the century.. and not to mention the millenium. That surely would be a date in history. Here we are, we've experienced it. However, future generations wouldn't know, to the degree that we do, what that was like....
What if there was a way to forget all about your life and experience a whole new one? What if there was a way to experience an entire lifetime in the span of, like, five minutes or something? It's said that technology advances twice as much every eleven years.. So, if you were to experience a different life, forgetting all about your own, making connections with various people.... When you return to your own life, do you remember those people you connected with? Would you feel at a loss being without them, even while knowing they never truly existed?

Another thought:

Certain material items in the world hold a lot of value to each person. What makes that item so precious?
Is it possible that one's soul can leave an imprint, or an essence of itself, in the items we hold close to our hearts? Maybe that's why it's so hard throwing out things we used to love. Assuming this is true, a child's teddy bear that has been owned by that child for a long time will have more soul in it than a recently purchased one.
And when holding certain people close to our hearts.. Would it be for the same reason? Could it be that your own soul is leaving impressions on theirs, and theirs having impressions on yours in return?
When something is created, a piece of artwork, a song, a piece of literature..... Is your soul put into whatever it was you created?
When I find drawings that I've made a long time ago, even though they lack the quality of my more recent ones, it's difficult for me to get rid of them. I can't throw them away. I may set them down in the trash, only to find myself later retrieving it..... and placing it in a drawer with the others among its age.

Yet another thought:

A lot of religions and ways of life call for a balance of good and evil. Or light and dark. Yin and Yang.... The Force.... Each representing the balance.
When Satan was cast from Heaven, it was because he wanted to become equal with God. How is that evil? Is that really so bad?
When you think about it, a balance between light and darkness is impossible. What is darkness other than the absence of light? When you turn on a light in a room, the darkness that once filled that room is gone. Darkness can NEVER overpower light.... It just can't happen.
It's the same with heat and cold. Cold is the absence of heat.
So, would that mean that evil does not truly exist? Is evil just the absence of good? It is said that the only evil are good men who do nothing.

Questions about Syrup and Extract

"How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture, but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such a paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once, life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light."

To prevent a person from getting to know me too well, I close myself away from them, because I don't want people to know as much as I know about myself. I keep many things to myself, and they build up over time.

I want to share what I think to be my biggest character flaws: I'm quick to become angry, yet I am slow to forgive. I'm very selfish in certain aspects and I'm quick to judge as well. Also, I tend to conceal my feelings with great effort, only to be required to use even greater effort to figure out and understand how I feel; all this just for the sake of keeping myself away from other people.... people who might actually care about me.

When I'm mad, I'm happy. For some odd, twisted reason, being pissed off contents me. I love being enraged, I love fighting; it's as if I thrive on it somehow. Anybody can become angry, that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way; that is not within everybody's power.... that is not easy.


```A human being is a part of the whole, called by us, "universe", a part limited in time and space. She experiences herself, her thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of her consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.```